Michelle Bilodeau and Karen Cleveland have a lot to say about weddings. As authors of the acclaimed book The New Wedding Book: A Guide to Ditching All the Rules they interviewed dozens of couples and dove into the history and meaning behind the traditions that hold up the typical, western, hetero-normative wedding. They are not out to kybosh the wedding – far from it. They do suggest that it is time to take a moment to pause and take stock of why weddings are structured the way they are in and encourage couples to make this special day and ritual one that speaks to their values.
As guests on FashionTalks my conversation with Michelle and Karen focused on the wedding dress and all its rings of influence. While Queen Victoria is the first bride to wear white, the widely held tradition of the coveted, white wedding dress confection is far more modern, only becoming de rigueur post world war two. Michelle and Karen talk about Princess Grace of Monaco (married in 1956) and Princess Diana’s 1981 wedding as cultural markers that solidified the predominance of the white gown. The authors are anti white dress, they just don’t want you to feel pressured if that is not what you want.
Pressure is a common theme around women and their wedding day. The pressure to be thin, to be beautiful, to have the perfect dress on the perfect day. To be perfect. The wedding industry is in the billions and much of it is placed on the shoulders of the bride with unrealistic and unsustainable expectations.
So don’t ditch the wedding, just make it what you want – not what we have been socialised to accept.
